Especially so

I look at those hairs that I used to love so much,
So spiky in appearance, so soft to the touch,
Those hairs that would sometimes fall over his eyes,
Especially so when he wants to tell me lies.

I gaze at those hairs that I used then to tousle,
Easier to fixate on them than on his muscles,
Those hairs that would never make me shed tears,
Especially so when all he gives now is fear.

I stare at those hairs that I used then to comb,
Not the raging face below, not the beast at home,
Those hairs that would never make me feel pain,
Especially so when he beats me again.